


Point of vantage

by dedlit



Category: Castle
Genre: Anal Sex, Gang Rape, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non Consensual, Oral Sex, Torture, Voyeurism, dark!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2017-11-14 11:02:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dedlit/pseuds/dedlit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILER: S3 E13<br/>Takes place in the Castle-episode “Knockdown” (Season three, Epidsode thirteen).  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-KgEqACcFY</p><p>Beckett and Castel came too late and got not into the building in time they couldn’t convince the guard and have a big fight outside (because yeah there is not only ONE guard).<br/>Meanwhile Ryan and Esposito get to their breaking point …</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The point where trouble rises

**Author's Note:**

> UNBETAD (if you are interested I would be delighted to have someone correcting my fiction)!!!
> 
> This is a very dark fic mostly because it got a little out of hand (so much for little one-shot) – don’t like don’t read. I do respect the TVshow and the cast, this is just FICTION no matter how dark, keep that in mind.
> 
> Written because … actually no one else has written it yet and I can’t be the only one who saw the “potential” in this torture scene.
> 
> And last but not least, since I have lots of work at hand these times I haven’t seen Season four so ignore it if there are some inconsistencies.

Kevin was sure it was fighting time when their kidnapper asked how much the cops know. Esposito seemed like he would know that too.  
“Let’s go with option B!”  
A cheeky smile on his lips Kevin added, “Oh yeah, we definitely gonna jerk you around…”.

With all his strength he tried to put up a fight when they took him and for the first time pushed his face into the icy water. It burned like hell his guard didn’t let him one inch out of the water before he thought he might faint. Then he was abruptly jerked back and it would have been bliss to get air into his lungs again if it wouldn’t sting all over his face. Gasping like a fish he tried hard to get control over his body again. Showing no weakness wasn’t easy and Esposito … Javier … he couldn’t let his partner down by acting like a scared cat, his partner shouldn’t for one second feel he couldn’t take this.

“It’s such an assclown. I was in cathic school for twelve years, they used to do this for talking in clas-”, he was back in the cold water again hoping Javier wouldn’t tell a thing. The time in the water felt like an eternity. What would Jenny do if he wouldn’t come out of this alive? Beckett would probably kill the guy and Castle … he would be shocked and probably speechless for what it’s worth. And Esposito …

He finally was out of the water again it was like hell and he somehow wished he would feel a little less because fuck it hurt like a bitch meeting fresh air again. But the worst thing was that Esposito shouted something and it injured him that his partner thought he couldn’t take a little ice-water.  
“Don’t tell this jacko anything!”

“Sorry bro, I can’t watch this.” Kevin felt slowly rising panic, Esposito couldn’t, he just …  
“Listen to me – it’s too late, the cops already know about …” Kevin looked over to his partner who pinned Lockwood with an intense stare down, “Me and your mom!” 

Despite his state Kevin couldn’t do anything against the husky laughter that built up. He should have known that his partner would pull a joke like that one instead of revealing something.

“Shoot of one of his kneecaps…” the voice was colder than the water he was in a few seconds ago. He heard Esposito shout as if he was far away. “NO!!!”   
Kevin was pushed on the floor still bound to the chair. He would never properly walk again if they do that and the pain … he once broke his leg put a shattered knee …  
The gun pointed at his leg and he closed his eyes expecting the worst.

“Wait.” Lockwood said. His captor looked very calm when Kevin opened his eyes again. He leaned down and whispered something in Javier’s ear from the look on his partner’s face and the fact that he got white as a sheet it couldn’t be something good.

“Shoot him only through one leg.”  
“NOOOOOOO!”, even though Kevin screamed his lungs out when the bullet got through his leg he could hear Javier’s shout. They didn’t shoot his kneecaps, why? 

After the first shock he tried to only whimper the slightest bit because of the pain even though tears streamed down his face.  
As if he had heard his previous inner question Lockwood answered. “It wouldn’t be fun for the next part if you feel the pain in your leg too much, don’t think you will have your knees forever ...”

The blood in Kevin’s veins rushed cold. At least they couldn’t see his tears because they are mixed with the water from before.

Javier insulted the criminal at his loudest and best, even though the man paid barely attention. The pain in his leg got from really bad to throbbing in a short time, a through and through wound to his luck … if you can call it that.

The voice of the criminal seemed bored. “Bind him on the table – face down.” After a moment of consideration he added. “And Kyle –“, a mountain of a man steeped out of the shadows, how could he hide till now was a mystery but Kevin told himself that he had other problems. For example a leg that started bleeding.

“- get the boys, they will love this.”

“YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!”, Javier’s shout made his head snap into his partners direction while he was bound down on a simple desk. He felt again like in his old school but he still preferred the idea of a little spank over the thought that he nearly lost his knees.

His legs got spread and bound to both table legs of the short side. No matter how hard he tried to struggle or escape through a loophole he found himself, arms pinioned on his back and pressed down, on the table with barely an inch to move. 

“Let’s see if they did that to you too in “cathic school”.” Kevin hated it when someone tried to imitate him so he got a little angry desperate self confidence again. “A little switch is nothing you have to do better to impress me!!!”

With a grin and a nod to Kevin’s “personal guard”, said one took hold of the front of his trousers and jerked them open with one swift move. So those guys think a cane on his naked bottom is something new to him? “Hey Kyle there you are again.”

The big guy came back with some other ones who made Kevin feel not the slightest bit more comfortable. Kyle took out a knife and something like panic took over again. Great they will either slice off one finger after another or stab him where it really hurts but will not kill. No option seemed desirable.

Kevin closed his eyes, only to feel seconds later his trousers sliced and falling in shreds to the floor, his drawers followed. Though he knew he shouldn’t be he felt kind of ashamed wearing only clothes on the upper part of his body. At least another guy had the decency and bound a fabric over his bleeding leg. Someone got rid of his shoes and socks, as if he wasn’t already cold enough.

The pain in his leg was there but bearable, his face finally drying didn’t sting that much anymore.

“Last chance Latino or my men will have lots and lots of fun with your little pretty boy over there.” a grin spread on Lockwoods face, “Some of them see him as a reward for their hard work under me, they hardly get to it because you know … they work - a lot …”, with these words Kevin finally thought he understood what they wanted to do to him. Javier looks the whole time into his lap.

“You bastard … you sneaky slimy BASTARD!!!” He tried to get at Lockwood who just stepped back. “Whoa.”, and then he and his men laughed at the try. 

Lockwood looked at his partner again who still sat there with fletched teeth. “And the following will only be the beginning, you are lucky that I have a little time at hand. After that I might brand him, or cut pieces of his flesh out.”, Kevin’s blood rushed through his body.

“You won’t get away with this!”, Javier hissed.  
“Oh I will and now tell me what you know, my patience is thin.”  
“Don’t you dare!”, finally his thoughts back Kevin fixed his eyes on Esposito. “Don’t you dare tell him! I can take it … I can …”, he wasn’t so sure if he wanted to convince Javier or himself …

Esposito looked at him slightly nodding. 

“Well men you heard the boy who’s first?” laughter went through the hall and echoed back.

“I will kill you!”, Esposito’s whisper was loud enough to get attention but Lockwood didn’t seem the slightest bit impressed. “Your sweet partner will get what he deserves and now it’s your last chance to answer my question…”


	2. Point of pain without glory

Lockwood slowly walked around Javier.  
“I see in your eyes how you feel, how you nearly pissed yourself at the thought of your partners knee lost forever. How you froze out of panic and rage when I told you what I will do to pretty boy. You should be happy – the love for you partner will leave him with a functioning knee … for the time being.”

Javier’s eyes narrowed. “He is my brother and I will come after you, I swear!”  
“Oh, your feelings don’t seem very brotherly to me …”, the smirk on Lockwood’s face was broad and evil.

Kevin thought his brain would burst. Did Javier like him? But he was with Lanie and he himself was with Jenny … a playful smack on his rear brought him back into the warehouse to the pain. Half-naked, confined on a desk with a bleeding leg, his partner who didn’t even look at him and surrounded by criminals.

“So who’s first? I’m tired of holding him down!”, his captor looked at Lockwood for the next order. Their leader took out his own gun and nodded to Kyle while walking to Kevin. He bowed down to his ear and the police officer could smell his breath. Gum, alcohol, dirt and … blood it smelled awful. A voice whispered in his ear and Kevin shuddered.

“If you do something other than lying there and looking at your partner Kyle will stab the Latino or blow his head with a gun away… Think of that before you even move the slightest bit …”, Kevin was terrified by the thought of the loss of Esposito. He was his partner for so long now and one of the most important people in his life. When he tried to at least turn his head away from Esposito the voice of Lockwood reminded him of what would happen if he moved. “Tz tz tz, that was not in the deal, your head stays where it was. Let go of him Mal, he will be an obedient little bitch or...”, the words hung dangerous in the air.

Kevin stayed where he was looking at Javier who still watched the floor as if there was something interesting to see. The laughter and encouragement of the men around him was more than uncomfortable, they discussed who would get him first as if he was a thing.

Lockwood ensconced himself in a chair, watching the spectacle like it was something he sees every day … maybe he does.

Bracing himself for what will come Kevin reminded himself that he did it not only because it was his duty but also because of Javier. If he moved his partner was dead and if he showed how terrified he was his partner might even talk. He didn’t know which one was worse but he wouldn’t give in, no matter what.

Lying as still as possible he had to collect all his will to not jump at the hard blow on his bottom again and again until hands suddenly parted his cheeks and low laughter rang in his head. 

Kevin had already closed his eyes against the reality. Maybe if he couldn’t see, it wouldn’t be so hard to take … a lunatic chuckle formed in his head he didn’t dare to let out.

When fingers pressed against him he tried to relax which proved ineffective when he was entered he gasped in shock, eyes wide open again but reminding himself to stay where he was.  
Javier watched him and seemed to try and get to him held back by Kyle who seemed more than unimpressed with everything going on. Kevin could see the question in his partner’s eyes, why is he not moving, not fighting? He wanted to tell him because he can’t fight back! … but he didn’t dare to say it out loud.

Mal his former captor seemed to be in a good mood Kevin could hear him talk in a cheerful manner and the sick feeling that already formed in his stomach got bigger.  
“Sweet mother of god, I think we have a little virgin here. He’s so tight I hardly get one finger in!”, laughter rang in his ears. “Maybe we should relax him.” 

Another voice added, “And I thought all cops have a stick up their rear!”, the laughter didn’t seem to stop and Kevin felt how tears started to form in his eyes. He wouldn’t let them fall … he couldn’t … 

When he looked into Javier’s stoic face his partner looked like someone had thrown him in the cold water. Kevin hated himself, why didn’t he shout or fight, but he’d rather have that Javier is disgusted by his “cowardice” then let him get hurt.  
The little comfort in his thoughts got the moment away someone grabbed his dick and started to stroke.

“NO!”, he started to whimper, hitting his own head on the desk and while the finger in his ass started to move he got half-hard because of the stimulation, only the burn in his rear preventing him from getting fully erected.  
He always thought it was impossible to get a hard-on while being mistreated. In his catholic school there where boys who got turned on while being spanked and secretly he always thought them perverse.

Now he felt sickened by himself - getting turned on by a finger in his ass. He always thought if someone would ever come near him in that manner … it would be Javier. Even though he was with Jenny … if his partner would have ever given a hint in that direction Kevin would have followed it the instant it would have been made. He hardly thought of men in a sexual way and his experience was limited to kissing and soft petting with his high school friend Jake.  
Maybe he was attracted to people with “J” as their first letter. There was Jeremy Eisel his former chemical teacher and his first male crush. Jane Dawson his first girlfriend, Julienna his second girlfriend. Jenny his current girlfriend.

All the thoughts of his past life whirled in a second over him only to leave him on a desk, fucked by criminals.  
“Pretty boy looked for a second like he had his thoughts somewhere else.”, Mal’s voice was full of evil playfulness.   
“Maybe ya should put a little more effort in ya’ task. Always told ya so.”  
“Oh shut up Glen!”  
“At least I’m the one who got the little bi’ch hard.”, Kevin’s penis was gripped even firmer and laughs from all around him brought nausea with them. They seemed to think they could do anything with him and get away with it.

The second he thought of fighting back he saw Javier angry and with fletched teeth watching the scene. How could he live with being responsible for the death of his partner? He couldn’t fight back no matter how much it’s degrading, humiliating and hurtful. He had to do this. Kevin slowly took a slow breath in, held it, and let it out again.

Mal shouted behind him. “Hey, someone get some kind of lubricant! Otherwise I split him open with my hand and I certainly don’t want to spoil the fun with him passing out.”

A little yelp escaped Kevin when something sticky and cold landed on the cliff of his ass slowly running down. When Mal pulled his finger out of him it hurt even more than the intrusion. He already recognized that before when the finger was moved in little pushes in and out. Out always hurt more…


	3. Cracked point

Lockwood seemed to get bored. “I beg you guys can’t you work a little faster. I want information and at that speed you only make him want more instead of torturing him.” In the back of his mind Kevin knew he was provoked but he was hurt and angry and scared and till now he had neither chosen the fight or flight option, bucking up he wanted to launch himself at Lockwood only to be forcefully pressed down by two men.

“Kyle, stab the Latino in his leg!”  
“NOOOOO!”, Kevin tried to escape again. Kyle took out a knife and rammed it in his partner’s leg. Except a little muffled sound Esposito hadn’t moved or made another noise.

“Since I have your attention again”, Lockwood seemed amused, “I will let the knife stay where it is if you cooperate from now on or your partner finally tells me what I want to know, although it would be a shame to end this show …”

Kevin knew that the size of the knife was dangerous enough that by pulling it out Esposito might bleed to death in a short while. So he gave a nod and tried to relax again.

“You don’t have to do that Ryan!”, for the first time in a long while his partner talked and it made Kevin feel even more responsible for him. “It’s ok, just stay with me and …”, in this second two fingers entered him and he couldn’t speak anymore, a barely audible moan and wide eyes were his only reaction concentrating to stay calm and relaxed.

Now everything went away like he wasn’t the one in his body. Mal behind him opened him with scissoring movements and the men around him talked about what they would do when their turn comes. The guy who jerked his cock till now let it go and told him how hard he still was even though there are only two fingers up his ass and no hand on his prick anymore. 

Kevin barely recognized when a third finger entered him if there wouldn’t be the pain again. Not the numb and in his state barely recognizing pain but the burning one like before when they had used no kind of lubrication.

The fingers pushed in he gritted his teeth and then out he let his breath go. Lifting his head in a silent cry he had to use all his power to not flinch away, thankfully his erection at least slowly started to vanish. Then the fingers pushed in farther than before and this time he couldn’t control himself. 

A loud moan escaped his lips and tears started to form in his eyes again mixing with the sweat that had formed quite a while ago. Then one of the criminals touched his cock and he was fully erect again. How could this happen?! Biting his lip hard he stayed still … again.

“Oh, there is the princess’s sweet spot, maybe we could bring him to come only with fingers?”, laughter again and Kevin felt shame rising, he got consumed by it. How sick could he be liking … THAT.

“Enough of this fooling around, if you don’t start the main event immediately I will take him!”, a voice shouted over the others. 

The fingers got pulled out. Some of the men around him had their dicks in hand and rubbed them. For the first time Kevin recognized that there were also two or three women who seemed turned on by this. They see how disgusting he is and he felt heat rising within. Knowing that he was on the verge of hyperventilation wasn’t helpful, it was all too much. The laughs, the burning ache in his bottom, the wound on his leg, the erection that wouldn’t go away and his partner was watching…

When two hands grabbed his hips on both sides Kevin dug his nails in the flesh of his hands, bracing himself for what would come. If he could at least hold his body a little up but the restrains on his arms were too tight. Some people started to root for the man behind him. Kevin closed his eyes and told himself to relax but nothing could have braced him for what was to come.

He felt a member, slick with lubrication, shoved against his entrance until it sunk in. He tried desperately to close his legs and subconsciously knew the try would leave marks on them, his lips were red because he bit himself till blood pours out and tears start to fall freely now. After an eternity he felt the man pressed against his back and completely within him stilling there.

Kevin said he could take it but he wasn’t so sure anymore. His inside burned and the pain was not the worst. The humiliation was, he cried freely like a child because of it. The knowledge he would forever be a guy fucked by another and more are to come wasn’t bearable. 

Without knowing what he does his eyes caught Esposito’s face. There was rage so intense Kevin forgot for a second how he was manhandled. He was frightened of his partner who looked at him with a stare like he was prey to be hunted, like Kevin was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen in his life.

He felt the lazy pushes from behind him how it rocked him back and forth, hitting that one pleasurable, and sickening at the same time, spot. The feeling of shame was overwhelming and he looked everywhere except his partner’s face.

“Oh, yeah, boys. He – is – so – tight!”, with every thrust Mal punctured the sentence. 

Kevin felt like breaking but he had to prevent that … for Javier and for Beckett and for his job. He couldn’t erase the look on Esposito’s face from his mind. The rage … he hated Kevin for what he does, he hated himself for it. Feeling a hand close over his heart he let himself fall, not feeling anymore seemed a good option.

Without knowing what he does he started to push back on the cock demanding a faster rhythm and he got it. Suddenly the men cheered and shouted. The man behind him started to push faster and faster in him while he grabbed his member and yanked him with his thrusts.

Crying and moaning Kevin came. If he could he would kill himself right now, so he whispered, “Please… please no more … I beg you … please …” Lockwood’s voice was far away talking to Javier, what would his partner think of him now. Degraded to a plaything a wanton little whore, would he ever even talk to him again? 

Probably not…

He felt warm fluid filling him and more pain when the criminal finally pulled out. Before he could even think someone else took his place and he was more brutal. He just thrust in, grabbed his hips and took him hard.

Kevin was sure he started bleeding at this point but he didn’t care anymore, he just whispered on and on. “Please, I beg you, kill me, please, I can’t take it anymore, please …”, no matter how much he begged or cried it only goes on. 

Someone had taken his oversensitive dick in his or was it her mouth? He didn’t care anymore.

Why was he here again … ah yes Lockwood. Esposito, why did his partner not end this … because he was filth, he didn’t deserve to get rescued. He saw the world in a blur too much tears were blocking his sight until a hand wiped them away. His head was lifted and he stared at a cock without any command he knew what to do.

Slowly he darted out his tongue and licked it. He told himself it’s like liking ice-cream in a bus just from the bottom to the top and again while getting rocked back and forth. “If you bite me you will be very sorry!”, the command followed a movement and Kevin found himself gagging because of the intrusion. Without the command before he would have bitten down he was sure of that … and why not … no there was a reason he didn’t do that … something important …

The coldness that engulfed his back and fluid running down his legs told him that the second guy was finally finished. Hoping that it was over was wishful thinking.

Kevin cried out around the member in his mouth. No matter what, this next cock was no comparison to the other two. This one was thick and long and Kevin was sure when it slid into him that, if he had stopped bleeding at some point he was ripped open again..

The guy before him sat on the table one leg on each side and took his hair. He used it to start pumping his head up and down with enormous speed. Thankfully he came fast while pushing Kevin’s face down. When he freed himself seed ran down the officer’s face and out of his mouth.

It seemed to go on forever. 

Shouting brought him back into the warehouse, into reality, he tried to look who shouted and his eyes once again caught Javier’s. He seemed to try and tell him something. Kevin didn’t want to hear it, it was probably only how disgusting he was coming at the hands of these criminals, that he is hard again or what a slut he was for cooperating so willingly with these men, sucking them off and pushing back on their cocks, how he tries now to spread his legs even more, only begs anymore with “please” and “yes” and “more”. Or was it his looks? He can only imagine what he looks like. Come in his face his hair, fingerprints where they gripped his hips too hard, blood and come running down his legs, the shirt they ripped at some point off of him - it only hung in shreds on his body. 

Why do they not just kill him … he would cry but there were no tears anymore …


	4. Break point

When another cock appeared before Kevin’s face he licked it and moaned against it. Losing himself in the task at hand was better than to see the disappointment, the disgust on Esposito’s face. 

He hit his head on the desk as hard as he could when the man behind him spread his buttocks with his hands to go even deeper. “Look at that, his hole is eating me up.” Kevin started to sob uncontrollable “Don’t … I can’t … please … kill me … I beg you …”, he didn’t care about anything anymore, he just wanted it to stop.

The man in front of him grabbed his hair and shoved him again onto his prick. “Suck you little bitch or I might get angry!”

Kevin gave in sucking obedient on the dick. What had he to lose, he would hardly come out of this alive and one penis more or less didn’t matter that much. 

As soon as he gave in he came again in a hand, or was it a mouth. 

He felt his feet and arms cut free and before he knew how he was on his back. The man above him took his legs below the knees and spread them. It hurt more than the cock inside him but at least he saw that the wound on his leg had stopped bleeding quite a while ago.

He was maneuvered so his head hung down the desk for the purpose of using his mouth again. Kevin let it hang open and a man fucked his face while the other one was still in his arse, someone had put a prick in his hand and he started to stroke it.

The feeling of pain and hate and fear and shame lost he just did what he feels he has to do. Maybe he deserved this? Maybe the teachers in his former school were right and punishment of the worst sort followed unholy thoughts about the same gender… that has to be it.

Suddenly everything halts, did he imagine Javier’s voice talking? Maybe he had died without noticing, choked to death on a cock, or bleed out.

Kevin recognized somehow that everyone moved unwillingly away from him. Javier’s face appeared over him, he took his hand. He had to be dead because in Esposito’s eyes were tears and he whispered something before he softly kissed his head turning around still holding Kevin’s hand. He started talking but suddenly the sound of gunshots filled the air around Kevin and he was dragged down somewhere, probably under the table, by his partner.

The last thing he vaguely sees is High Heels and Javier’s face, the last thing he feels is that someone wrapped him in something warm - then he closes his eyes and gave himself over to darkness.


	5. Memorypoint

It had been kind of funny at first. He and his partner Kevin Ryan kidnapped by Lockwood a criminal of the highest level and they fooled around with him. Javier had been especially proud of the good old “mom-joke” he pulled…

At least until that asshole had suggested shooting his partner’s kneecaps away. From this point onward everything got wrong.

Sitting at a bed in intensive care he thought back to last night. Even though his colleagues had suggested he should go home or at least change out of his filthy clothes he stayed looking at the pale face of his partner, his friend.

Last night still seemed surreal.

\---

When they dunked Ryan for the first time in the ice-water Javier knew immediately why they hadn’t picked him. He was longer in the military than he wanted to remember and was trained in interrogations of nearly every kind.  
If you have two people who seem like friends or something similar, always pick the one who looks weaker, prettier and let the other one watch every torture you inflict.

Javier knew Ryan was no wimp but he didn’t know how far his partner could go without breaking. The first time he himself panicked was when Lockwood casually said, “Shoot off his kneecaps …” Javier could kick himself for sounding so desperate when he shouted “NO!”

Never show how much you like your partner. One of the first rules when being interrogated but the damage was already done. He was although surprised when their kidnapper said, “Wait!” and walked over to him.  
His breath on Javier’s face was hot and his words full of malice. “Look at your partner very closely because I will break pretty boy if you don’t tell me what the cops know about me and with break I mean I get my men. Some of them recently came out of prison and would love to get some sweet cop-ass.”

Javier knows that he got pale but he couldn’t show anymore of his feelings for Ryan, he already had done too much damage with his previous actions.

“Shoot him only in the leg.”  
“NOOOOOOO!”, Ryan’s cry when his leg was shot let Javier shout at Lockwood. “You coward, bastard!”, but he was ignored, their captor just bend a little over Ryan’s slightly curled form.  
“It wouldn’t be fun for the next part if you feel the pain in your leg to much, don’t think you will have your knees forever ...”

Javier was pretty sure his partner had tears in his eyes and he got angry again. “You shitty little fuck, you will pay for this!!! ¡Hijo de puta, pequeño cabrón!” At least he could see that the bullet got straight through and the pain would subdue in a short amount of time.

“Bind him on the table – face down … and Kyle, get the boys they will love this.” Javier hardly managed to suppress the rising feeling of panic. “YOU CAN’T DO THIS!!!”

Ryan was bound to the table and Javier could see that he has no idea what will come. As soon as his partner is restrained Lockwood smiled at him.  
“Let’s see if they did that to you too in “cathic school”.”  
Ryan still didn’t understand, “A little switch is nothing you have to do better to impress me!!!” Javier wanted to warn him but he knew that would make it worse, so he sat there doing nothing.

When the trousers of his partner were ripped open an icy feeling started to rise in his guts then the big guy, Kyle, came back. “Hey Kyle there you are again.” When the man got a knife Javier’s every sense told him to say, to do something but he didn’t know what. So he sat there watching while they cut away the pants from Ryan’s legs.

Javier was kind of grateful that one of the men bound a fabric around Kevin’s bleeding leg. “Last chance Latino or my men will have lots and lots of fun with your little pretty boy over there.” a grin spread on Lockwoods face, “Some of them see him as a reward for their hard work under me, they hardly get to it because you know … they work - a lot …”, Javier looked into his lap, he couldn’t let go of his responsibility as cop even when it meant that …

“You bastard … you sneaky slimy BASTARD!!!” Ryan tried to get at Lockwood who just stepped back. “Whoa.”, and then he and his men laughed at the try. 

“And the following will only be the beginning, you are lucky that I have a little time at hand. After that I might brand him, or cut pieces of his flesh out.”, Javier felt helpless, why Ryan, they could have picked him. He knew he couldn’t live with those things happening, neither could he with betraying the police.

“You won’t get away with this!”, Javier hissed.  
“Oh I will and now tell me what you know, my patience is thin.”  
“Don’t you dare!”, Javier thought Ryan meant Lockwood but his eyes were fixed on his. “Don’t you dare tell him! I can take it … I can …”   
Javier nodded, Ryan understood what they wanted to do and he was willing to … he couldn’t watch this but he will not leave his partner alone only because it would be more comfortable for himself. 

“Well men you heard the boy who’s first?” laughter went through the hall and echoed back. “I will kill you!”, Javier meant the words but got only a cold response. “Your sweet partner will get what he deserves and now it’s your last chance to answer my question…”

Lockwood slowly walked around Javier and spoke directly into his ear. “I see in your eyes how you feel, how you nearly pissed yourself at the thought of your partners knee lost forever. How you froze out of panic and rage when I told you what I will do to pretty boy. You should be happy – the love for you partner will leave him with a functioning knee … for the time being.”

Love … yes he loved Kevin Ryan but he would have never thought it would be that obvious. At first he had thought it a little crush he got after a year working together with him. The warm feeling slowly built over the missions, he had to admit that at first he wasn’t very happy to get another partner after his old one but then… after exactly fourhundredandtwelve days he knew that he liked his partner and at some point he couldn’t say exactly when, but Castle had already joined them, he started to admit that he loved his colleague. He never thought much of his sexuality, he always says he loves a person and not a gender.  
But the good thing was he had always had the loophole “brother”. Everything he does he can justify with the fact that he and Ryan are “bros”.

And now was the perfect time for it. “He is my brother and I will come after you, I swear!”  
“Oh, your feelings don’t seem very brotherly to me …”   
Javier gritted his teeth, he hated Lockwood so much.

“So who’s first? I’m tired of holding him down!”, Ryan’s guard sounded pissed. Lockwood walked over to his partner and whispered something in his ear. Javier would have given a finger to hear what kind of poisoned words he whispered in Ryan’s ear.

But he could make up a theory after Ryan tried to turn away from him and Lockwood talked again, “Tz tz tz, that was not in the deal, your head stays where it was. Let go of him Mal, he will be an obedient little bitch or...”, the words hung dangerously in the air.

No matter what he thought before he couldn’t watch this. When he saw out of the corner of his eyes that the man, Mal was his name, got close to Ryan he had to watch. The moment he knew the bastard entered his partner with his dirty finger he tried to break free again, the strangest thing was that no one held Ryan down. He just lied there letting the criminal do what he wanted.

They insulted Ryan and started stroking him and he … he did nothing, except silently whimper, “NO!” Javier couldn’t prevent an angry blush rising up when he saw that his partner got a hard-on. How could they do that to his partner and shame came with the thought, how could he do that to him, if he just told them … no he couldn’t.

Instead Javier watched angry and with fletched teeth the scene before him. He concentrated on Ryan’s face how he tried to calm himself, while those assholes talked about him like he was a piece of meat.  
They got lubricant before adding a second finger, even though Javier knew it was only to their own comfort and benefit the police officer in him analyzed it as helpful so Ryan wouldn’t get hurt too much, at least physically. 

\---

The beeping sound beside Javier changed and he hopefully looked up. But it was only for mere seconds and Ryan still lay there with his eyes closed and his skin too pale.


	6. What’s the point …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first: I certainly do intend to finish this story and thank everyone who motivates me with kudos and most of all comments!!!  
> Second: We are not quite yet at the comfort part of this story. (Sorry Ryan!!!)  
> Third: If someone wants to correct all the grammar and spelling mistakes in this story I would be delighted!

Javier sat back again and his expression turned dark.

\---

When they stabbed him into the leg he didn’t really feel it. He only saw Ryan’s desperate expression.

“You don’t have to do that Ryan!” The sad smile he got from Ryan nearly broke him. “It’s ok, just stay with me and …”, Javier wanted to do something, he wanted to trash, to cry out, to kill. He never had hated so much in his life.

How dared those disgusting beasts to touch his partner. The way the men talked in front of him. For the first time Javier experienced real heartbreak. It didn’t only hurt when he saw another finger pressed into his partner, it made him feel like he couldn’t breathe anymore.

“Oh, there is the princess’s sweet spot, maybe we could bring him to come only with fingers.”

“Enough of this fooling around, if you don’t start the main event immediately I will take him!”

An instant later the first guy pressed into his partner.

\---

Javier sat crying beside the bed in the hospital. He finally let out all the emotions he held in. Thinking back he couldn’t hold himself together anymore. He cried out loud hitting his own leg till the pain in it numbs the one in his heart at least a little.

When a hand laid itself soft on his shoulders he jerked around. Beckett stood behind him a look between pity and determination on her face. “Castle will bring you home Javier and I will look after Ryan.”

The moment he wanted to object, Beckett gave him a stern look. “You haven’t showered or changed your clothes, without food and sleep you will pass out.” She gave him a weak smile. “I understand you want to be by his side but you don’t help Ryan by sitting here and the doctors said he wouldn’t wake up before tomorrow.”

\---

When they had arrived at the hospital mere hours ago his wound had been treated but the doctors couldn’t keep him from walking straight out afterwards. Ryan had been brought right into surgery to stop the internal bleeding. Through all this the only thing Javier had been thankful for was that the moment he gave in, the moment he couldn’t bear seeing Ryan like this anymore, the moment he was determined to tell them everything for his partners well-being, reinforcement had arrived.

Through the half hour Ryan was in surgery he had paced before the door until the doctor came out and informed him that everything will heal in no time… that is the wounds of the body. 

\---

Javier let himself be led outside by Castle. Of course he knew he had to sleep and at least change and shower. A last glance back at Ryan told him his partner was still in deep slumber.

\---

He showered in the hospital and Castle brought him clothes from his flat. Against his first opinion he did feel a little better, especially after eating a sandwich and drinking a cup of coffee.

Feeling lighter he walked into Ryan’s room to find Jenny there, sobbing with Beckett behind her who had awkwardly laid a hand on the woman’s shoulder. When Beckett spotted him she actually looked relieved, how that strong independed woman could be so strangely awkward when it came to providing comfort was beyond Esposito.

When Jenny spotted him she threw herself in his arms. “Javier?!” He let her cry until she stopped shaking and sat her in the chair. “Jenny, you should maybe go home this is all a little too much for you.” He tried to sound confident and comforting. 

“What has happened Javier?”  
“How much did they tell you?”, he didn’t want to traumatize her more than necessary.  
“Only that you were kidnapped, something went wrong and Kevin was hurt.”   
‘Hurt’ Javier thought bitterly. ‘A nice way to say what happened.’ But Jenny was sweet and innocent and still … she had to know.

“Ryan … Kevin, he was …” Behind Jenny Beckett shook her head and he sighed. “He was hurt really bad and will need to stay in hospital for a longer time. I promise I stay with him and you should get some sleep.”

She blew her nose and looked at him with red rimmed eyes. “I will stay, I cannot leave now.”   
Javier sighed.   
“At least lie down for a little time and sleep.” She nodded and curled in on herself on the chair.

“We will leave you two, we have to check the … evidence.” Castles slightly cringed. “When Ryan wakes up inform us immediately!”

Beckett and Castle went out and the situation suddenly crushed down on him again. Of course they had to write a report on the case. Lockwood was dead and most of his henchmen arrested. This is going to be a big case and he is only relieved that Kevin didn’t have to be at court because of the secured evidence. 

Javier felt a little sick thinking about it. About the time he finally had given in and cradled Ryan’s weak and cum covered body. Sitting down in a chair Javier had the feeling he had aged a lot in the last eighteen hours.

He looked up when the door slid open and the doctor arrived. The man looked at Jenny who had fallen into a light slumber and made a gesture to talk outside.

“Detective Esposito?” Javier nodded.  
“I was informed that you act as Detective Ryan’s guardian till he wakes up.” Javier nodded again.  
“Detective Ryan’s blood tests are back and we can inform you that he is not suffering from any venereal diseases. And we have sent all the pictures to your department.”

Javier felt like he had a lump in his throat. Of course there would be pictures of Ryan, his battered and broken body. A sudden flash showed him his memory of it. How Ryan acted stranger and stranger after the first few guys, how he moaned and begged and came.

“Thank you, doctor.” He whispered before wanting to go back inside. A hand stopped him. “If you need a counselor let me know … I know from experience that these things affect people who had to watch such terrible things often just as much as the victims themselves. I certainly recommend that y-“  
“Thank you that won’t be necessary.”

He walked down the hallway to the toilets. Splashing cold water on his face pictures were wildly flashing before his eyes. Ryan with tears in his eyes chocking on a cock. Ryan gasping out of lust thrusting back on a dick. Ryan’s face when he came.

Javier sunk down on the floor sobbing into his knees. He sat there what felt like hours until he finally managed to get up. His face looked stern when he watched himself in the mirror, from now on no more crying. Ryan would wake up tomorrow and he will need all the support he could get.

A glance at the clock told him it was past three in the morning, twenty-nine hours after they arrived at Lockwood’s.

Javier walked back in the room to find Ryan awake and Jenny yelling at him with tears streaming down her face.


	7. Point of no return

“YOU IDIOT!” Jenny stormed out of the room, leaving a clueless Javier behind her.

\---

Half an hour earlier:

Kevin woke up feeling like he has a terrible hangover. He tried to open his eyes but somehow it was too difficult. His mind felt like it was clouded and his memories were shadowed.

When he felt a soft hand touch his arm, it was like being forced head on in a pool of cold water and nearly drowning in it. Until he was free and could breathe again. Memories filled his head too fast it was so much and when he opened his eyes he was disoriented.

“Kevin?” a voice called him, but he could only see men forcing themselves on him. He was like a bystander watching himself getting fucked, watching himself getting off on it.

“KEVIN!” the voice brought him back to reality, back in a hospital. When his eyes could focus he saw Jenny over him. She smiled. “Thank god you are alright.” She carefully hugged him only to be pushed away.

Ryan was surprised by his own strength and slowly sat up. “Go away.” Was that his voice? It sounded different to his ears, hoarse and old, so very old.  
“What?” Jenny’s surprised voice got him back in the situation. “Honey, it’s me.”

He mustered up all his strength. “I know who you are Jenny. Go away.” Her voice suddenly sounded muffled when she told him everything will be ok, they can manage it. Her words should be comforting for him. They weren’t. He wanted her out, out of the room and out of his life, now.

“Jenny listen to me.” He looked at her but didn’t really see her. “I want you to go away, to pack your stuff and I never want you in my life again.”

When she started to talk again in that oh so comforting voice to him he snapped. Ryan hit her across the face. Not hard but the gesture was enough to stop her words. He didn’t want her words, she was beautiful and sweet and kind. He was broken and hurt and angry.

“YOU IDIOT!” Her words didn’t move him.

\---

Javier was shocked as Jenny ran outside holding her cheek, but mostly because he saw Ryan’s face, it frightened him. His partner sat on the bed, hands folded on the cover looking after Jenny. His eyes … they seemed dead. When he slowly turned his head to face Javier, the man had to hold himself together to not flinch under the hard stare he was given.

“I need to rest.” The monotonic voice made Esposito even more uncomfortable. Ryan lied down and closed his eyes. He looked like a marble statue. White, beautiful and … dead.

Javier left the room, closed the door and exhaled. He had to inform the doctor about the fact that Ryan had been awake much sooner than anticipated.

\---

The next few weeks past and nobody was permitted to see Ryan. The doctors told them all the same thing. “Detective Ryan’s wishes are above yours, only Dr. Gomez, our psychiatrist Dr. Flinch and the nurses are permitted to enter.”

The curtains of Ryan’s room where through all his visits closed. Javier came by every day bringing flowers, chocolate, books and even cake with him. He leaves it day after day with Gomez, Ryan’s attending physician.

“Detective Esposito!” Gomez had a deep comforting voice, he was tall and judging by his body went often to the gym. “A pleasure to see you.”  
“Doctor.” he nodded as a greeting. “How is he?”  
A sad expression settled over the face of the physician. “He still barely talks, though a lot more than before. No matter how much I try to convince him to see you, his girlfriend or colleges, he just stares at me and shakes his head.”

“Oh.” Javier stared at the closed curtains. “Can you …”

“Of course.” the routine was settled after all. Javier came talked to Gomez gave him whatever he brought with him and gave the doctor his greetings for Ryan.

He knew that Jenny had for the first two weeks tried to talk to Ryan but was also sent away. She had packed her stuff and left him a few days ago. When she came by the station and gave Javier the keys to Kevin’s flat her eyes were puffy from crying but her expression stern and determined. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Javier understood her. He himself slowly lost his patience. After Jenny had come by he stormed in the hospital and hammered against the door of Ryan’s room shouting at him to let him in. He wasn’t angry enough to just enter and when he calmed down he had whispered against the door. “Sorry, I’m so sorry.”

\---

The darkness around him made Kevin feel comfortable. He hated when someone entered and let light fall in his room. The curtains were closed as well as the shutters of the window.

When the psychiatrist came he gave his best performance of how he thought real victims would act after such events and he had to be pretty good because after nine weeks he had not only physically fully healed but Flinch told him that if he wanted to he could leave the hospital in the next few days. 

“But only if you are not staying alone and you promise me to come by every two weeks for a session.”

Kevin obediently nodded. He just wanted to leave the hospital. It was tiresome to pretend to be ok the only time he didn’t have to do that was when Dr. Gomez came by, always bringing gifts from Javier as well as few kind words.

Today it was a fruit basket. Gomez sat down on his bed giving Kevin a kiss on the forehead. “Your college is very sweet. He has to love you very much.” Kevin snorted.

“But I like you.” It was a lie. Everything Kevin did from the moment he woke up was a lie. He pretended to be a victim around Flinch, he pretended to like the nurses, pretended he wasn’t lonely … Most of all he pretended to love Gomez.

It had started after two and a half weeks in the hospital. 

\---

On that day he was particular hateful of himself. He was standing by the window when Gomez came in. The shutters were closed and he saw his own reflection. Kevin knew he didn’t deserve to be here, treated like he was a victim. He wasn’t.

He had liked how they used him, had even opened his mouth willingly. And he craved for a bit of hurt. When he turned around he watched Gomez closer. He was strong, much stronger than him.

The routine of his examination had gone by quick until the end. Gomez was always oh so careful about examining his rectum. But Kevin just turned on his stomach. He didn’t want to see Gomez’ glancing full of pity at him. Two hands carefully spread his cheeks. “As far as I can tell you have nearly fully healed. It looks good from what I can tell.”

“Your looks are everything after all, aren’t they?” 

Kevin bit his lip and willed this new inner voice away. The first time he had heard it he had actually looked around just to find himself staring at his reflection, grinning madly at him.

_“Want him don’t ya?”_

Kevin’s voice shook a little. “Dr. Gomez … can you check … check inside?” He could feel the physician go stiff behind him. “Please?”

“Detective Ry-“  
“Call me Kevin.”  
“Kevin … I don’t know if this is such a good idea.”  
“Please …”

When a slick finger entered him he felt joy for the first time since he woke up.

_“Yesss that’s what you are. What will Gomez say when he sees how much you like that? Maybe he will even fuck you, you would like that wouldn’t you?”_

“Yes!” he hissed out loud and started to fuck himself on the finger which was abruptly withdrawn. When he turned around he saw the shocked face of Gomez.

Kevin started to silently cry and flung himself in the doctor’s arms. “I’m so sorry! It’s just you are so nice and I … I like you so much.”

He felt strong arms carefully close around him. A bitter smile started to form on his face. Men fell so easily for his pretense.

“You are hurt Kevin and such feelings are not uncommon for someone … but they are not real.” 

_“He doesn’t want you.”_

A singsong voice rang in his head.

_“You are a piece of dirt after all … used too much.”_

Still it hadn’t taken long before Gomez gave into his advances. Since then he regularly fucked Kevin with his fingers, the only time when Ryan felt free. But no matter how much he begged he wasn’t permitted to suck or fuck the doctor’s cock. It was after a while not satisfying anymore.

\---

When he was released from hospital he was sure he wouldn’t see Gomez again. He needed a “real man” after all.

He agreed with his psychiatric upon the subject of staying with someone. Ryan waited in the parking lot till he saw the familiar face of Esposito.


	8. Melting point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took like forever for me to finish this story! Still I'm happy that you bore with me this whole time. Thank you for all the nice comments and kudos!

Javier didn’t know how he should react to the news that for the next few months he should be Ryan’s guardian. At least he could finally talk to him, hell he even will live with him.

When he spotted him in the parking lot he nearly didn’t recognize Ryan. His partner was pale and even thinner than before the small smile he gave Javier in sharp contrast to his hollow eyes.

“Esposito.” Ryan’s voice sounded hoarse. Against better judgment Javier couldn’t help himself but hug his partner tightly.

\---

Kevin went stiff he had expected to be yelled at like that one time Javier banged against the door in the hospital, he had even expected to be hit but not this. The relieved and compassionate expression on Esposito’s face made him uncomfortable.

“Hey Ryan! Glad to finally see you.” Ryan entangled himself from the hug and silently took a seat in the car.

\---

Esposito was at a loss. He drove quietly while side glancing towards Ryan from time to time. It was not the usual comfortable silence they had had in the past.  
\---

It was the strangest thing. Ryan lived with him for three months now, cooking for him, cleaning up his place and visiting his therapist every two weeks. He seemed normal if not a little less full of life. Whenever Javier tried to talk about that night he blocked him and grabbed his coat before vanishing for an hour or two. Javier had tried to follow him with the result that Ryan screamed at him to leave him alone and disappearing for the rest of the night while he was worried sick.

All in all it was a domestic life. Though Javier could tell something was nagging at Ryan he didn’t dare to ask. During the night it became common for Kevin to silently steal into his room and snuggle up to him.

Javier didn’t dare to comment on that in fear of upsetting Ryan.

\---

Gomez had reported his behavior as he learned a few days after his release. Ryan was angry enough at the time to nearly destroy the office of his therapist. He had to come by every second day after that information. Dr Flinch was patient with him and gave him some drugs to calm his mind.

In only a week the voice in his head he hated so much vanished. During their sessions where he had played pretense he always was tired afterwards. Now he started to let go and he had cried, trashed part of the office, shouted and laughed during his therapy.

Ryan let Flinch convince him to go to a group therapy. It surprised him how comfortable he felt there. While at first he was quiet and defensive, he now started to talk about the events.

What mostly helped was Trisha. A young girl who had experienced rape at the hands of her own uncle. She had admitted to the group that the part she hated most was that he made her like it. Ryan often talked to her.

And every time they met outside of the group therapy she asked the same question. “So, are you finally telling Javier what’s going on?” To this point he always answered the same. “No I won’t and now let’s talk about something else.”

Only this time he answered. “I will talk to him tonight.” Her eyes slightly widened and she didn’t comment on it only nodded her approval.

\---

Ryan was nervous he had prepared dinner and set up the table. For the last few minutes now he was walking up and down because everything was set and he only waited for Esposito to return from his job.

\---

When Javier came home that evening it was smelling delicious. He was tired and happy to finally sit down eat and sleep. As soon as he entered the kitchen he was greeted by something he rarely sees these days.

Ryan stood there a small shy smile on his face. His voice barely above a whisper when he asked. “How was your day?”

Javier needed a second to take in the scenery. The table looked fantastic as did Ryan. “Fine … my day was fine.” They looked awkwardly at each other. “What’s the occasion? Not that I need one for good food but still…”

“I think we should sit down.” Ryan offered him a chair and Javier sat down. When they were seated Ryan took a deep breath. “I think I’m finally able to talk about it …”

 

Epilog:

 

They sat quietly on the couch leaning against each other. “You are too good for me Javier.” The Latino chuckled. “No I’m not.”

Ryan lifted his head. “Yes you are. After all the therapy all this craziness you are still here and you still don’t despise me. Thank you.”

Esposito took his face in his hands. “Ryan I love you and by now you should know that!” The kiss was soft and without demands, like the love he finally found.


End file.
